Christmas Mother: thanks for a successful year

On behalf of the Hanover Christmas Mother program thank all of you for making this a successful year. 

Kind individuals, clubs, churches and businesses made it possible for us to assist 865 families and their 1,773 children. 

Hundreds of donors made generous monetary contributions. 

We are grateful to the following who helped in other ways: Hanover County students (donated 17,000 cans of food); Hanover County Public Schools Maintenance Department (delivered food to Doswell) ; AARP Hanover Chapter (collected food); Ashland Community Pre-School (adopted a family); Ashland Milling Company (provided a truck); Atlee High School students; the Atlee Ruritan Club; the Beaverdam Ruritan Club; the Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints; the Clay Springs Ruritan Club; the Cold Harbor Ruritan Club; the Cool Spring Disciples Class; Dominion Power employees; Doswell Fire County/EMS (volunteer and paid) ; the Farrington Ruritan Club; Hanover High School students; the Hanover Ruritan Club; Independence Ruritan Club; Mechanicsville Ruritan Club; the Montpelier Ruritan Club; Wayne and Barbara Nicely; Janet and Derek Rosser; Betty Carol Stephenson; George (Steve) Smith; the Rocky Ridge Riders; Oak Knoll Middle School students; Slash Christian Church; Taylorsville Baptist Church Youth; the Three Rivers Livestock 4-H Club (also collected food) ; Emma Mitchell and Allison Tingler; 40-plus parishioners from St. Paul’s Episcopal Church and other Hanoverians volunteered sorting, packing, and delivering food and toys; Black Creek Baptist Church, the Clay Springs Garden Club, residents of Covenant Woods, East Coast Oil Corp., the Mechanicsville Ruritan Club, St. Paul’s Episcopal Church ,Tuesday Morning , and Deborah Wood (all donated toys); Five Below, Roses and Ollie’s Bargain Outlet (discounts on toys); the Hanover Company (tags for the toy bags); Doswell Limited (adopted a family); St. Paul’s Episcopal Church (adopted four families); Covenant Woods (food and clothing); Greater Richmond First Book (books) ; Peebles (discounts on gift cards); Temple Inland (boxes for food distribution); Richmond Area Bikers (bicycles); Walmart ( bike components and toys at cost); the Doswell Ruritan Club and Doswell Women’s Club (sponsored Christmas Mother Tea); First Baptist Church of Ashland (knitted caps and gloves); Nancy Parrish (scarves); the Knitting Guild of Slash Christian Church (gloves and knitted hats); Pro-image Printing (letter); Martin’s Grocery Store (Share a Holiday Meal program, discounts and toys); McDonald’s Ashland (gift certificates); Edward Mills (delivery truck and driver); Flippo Lumber (trailer); John Cox (trailers ); Howard Smith (truck and trailer); The Richmond Times-Dispatch, Herald-Progress and The Mechanicsville Local (publicity and donors lists); Dominion Foundation and Franklin Federal Foundation (matching gifts); Frank and Debbie Flippo (hosting the Christmas Mother Tea); Charles Fox (truck driver); Ginny Ferguson and the Hanover County Department of Social Services.

Franklin Jones, who coordinates the entire program, Ron Reed, the treasurer, Jackie Strickland, in charge of toys, and Jim Vass, the president of the Doswell Ruritan Club, are amazing. They and the Doswell Ruritan Club, sponsors of the program, work tirelessly and efficiently with great good humor. 

It was a great pleasure for me to serve as 2011 Hanover Christmas Mother and have the opportunity to meet so many generous people. Thank you all!

Anne Geddy Cross
Hanover

Bigger tragedy: murder or cruelty

(Editor’s note: The following was submitted on Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012.)

Reflecting on the events of the last few days, I’m not sure what is the bigger tragedy: the murder of Brett Wells or the subsequent outpouring of thoughtless cruelty and irresponsible diatribes that have erupted in its aftermath, particularly online.

I did not know Brett very well, but he was a good friend of my son’s. Based on my brief interaction with him, and the first-hand accounts of those who did know him, he was a polite, friendly, outgoing young man, quick to help others and to condemn prejudice.  He was an active participant in his church and respectful to his parents and those around him. In a world where too many of us focus on our differences, he was a bridge builder.

He was, by all accounts, a shining example of many of the best traits that we as parents strive to instill in our children; the things that make us proud.

Like all of us, he was not perfect, and his life ended Saturday night in every parent’s nightmare scenario — snuffed out much too soon, for no good reason — by someone with no respect for human life. You would think that would be tragedy enough for our community, but apparently not.

Since Saturday, I have read hundreds of comments from people within our community and far beyond, offering their kind thoughts, prayers and condolences to the victims, their families and friends, as well as to the families of those who stand accused. It is a shining example of a community coming together to support one another in a time of terrible grief and pain. It highlights the best of our neighbors and the Internet.

But there is a dark, flipside to that coin. Alongside the displays of kindness, there is an ugly vein of the worst that the web and humanity has to offer: a nasty display of cruelty, hatred, bigotry and arrogance.

Even before the first news accounts were published, there were those ready to hijack the story and use it as justification for their own closeted bigotry. It wasn’t too hard to see that coming. Although as a society we’ve made significant progress in that regard, it’s obvious that prejudice still thrives in all corners, regardless of income, zip code, politics, religion or race. It’s a conversation we’ve had before and will no doubt have again.

What did astound me though — what I was completely unprepared for — was the comments and sentiments aimed towards Brett and his family when it came to light that apparently a transaction involving marijuana was the catalyst for Saturday’s events. That revelation, combined with the relative anonymity of the Internet, seemed enough for some to toss aside all dignity, empathy and human compassion and spew forth a steady stream of self-righteous vitriol the likes of which I have rarely seen.

The comments came fast and furious, posted to Facebook, The [Mechanicsville] Local, the [Richmond] Times-Dispatch and the local media outlets. Some were short and to the point: “Drug dealer,” “He got what he deserved,” “What did he expect?,” “I have no pity for him” and some much worse that can’t be printed here. Others were no less hurtful, but more subtle, beginning with emotional disclaimers like: “I feel bad for the family, but . . .”

Even more disturbing than many of the comments themselves was the apparent glee people seemed to take in offering up comments for no other purpose than to be more hurtful and callous than the previous poster. For example, when Channel 12 posted details of the arrests on its Facebook page, Bill H. had this to add: “Dumb a** kid!  Didn’t he ever hear that drugs kill?” I suppose if this comment had been made by some disillusioned teenager I could see past it. But if his profile picture is accurate, this man is probably in his 60s; certainly old enough to know better, and able to show a little more maturity and restraint. The young man is dead, Bill. He can’t hear your smug little quip. Only his family and friends left trying to restore their shattered lives can. But thanks for the helpful input.

Maybe Brett was a recreational user of marijuana. Perhaps, from time to time, he sold a bit of it to friends. Assuming this is true (and I don’t know that it is) you could argue that if someone has ever sold any quantity of pot that makes them a drug dealer. If that’s your sole criteria, then I guess Brett meets it. However, I would argue that using the same logic, if you’ve ever put an ad in the paper and sold a car to someone, you are a car dealer.

Regardless, it’s a silly, semantic argument. I’m not defending or condoning the use of pot, nor advocating for its legality. I’m not making excuses for Brett or any of the thousands of other kids (or adults) in our community who experiment or partake of drugs or alcohol. Certainly, it is an issue worthy of a communal dialog. But for a significant number of people, that is not what has been happening. It has not been a dialog. It has not been constructive.

Empathy and compassion have been tossed out, replaced by ugly cynicism and holier-than-thou arrogance. There is apparently a large contingent of self-appointed morality experts who feel that their right to opine and pontificate far outweighs the greater good of a grieving community, even if they don’t have the full story or all the details.

The apparent joy some take in being cruel is appalling.

In my estimation, the importance of the political, social and religious debates that rage endlessly in these pages pales in comparison to what this abject cruelty represents to our community, and society as a whole.

According to reports, the men allegedly responsible for Brett’s death came there to rob him. They came for marijuana, but it might just as easily have been a guitar or video games or a thousand other things.

The fact that marijuana was involved does not shift the onus from the killer to the victim.

In the end, we are all held accountable for our own actions, but insinuating that Brett should be held responsible for what happened to him simply because marijuana was present is analogous to suggesting that a woman who wears a tight “sexy” outfit shares responsibility if she becomes a victim of sexual assault.

In our small corner of the world, there are multiple families whose lives have been shattered. Many of our young people are struggling to cope with emotional trauma beyond their years. If these events do revolve around drug use in our community, especially among school-age children, it certainly deserves our attention, discussion and action. I imagine Brett’s family would be the first to agree. And pivotal events like this elicit a strong desire to participate in a community forum, and have your voice and opinion heard. I get it. It’s a right we are guaranteed by law.

But I respectfully ask that all of us, before we speak out or post our comments, please take a breath, reflect, and show a little civility.

There comes a time when proving that our opinion is the “right” one is not worth the cost.

Chris Bevan
Mechanicsville

Stronger safety net can help

Neighbors:

It has been a difficult two months in Hanover County.  Many families have been shocked by the recent youth violence.

Sadly, I am not surprised. As a founding member of the Hanover CARES Prevention Coalition, I have watched our community risk factors and youth problem behaviors gradually increase over the past decade. Our community is changing because our world is changing.

How do we protect our teens? The truth is, we can’t protect them all from risk. But we can build a stronger safety net for our kids — one that is designed for 21st century challenges. 

This community has the resources and the commitment.  Hanover Cares is a coalition of parents, citizens, teens and agency/school partners who are committed to helping Hanover families raise substance-free youth. 

We challenge you to be part of the solution. Building a stronger safety net takes each of us. This is a call to action:

Business owners: Would you host a brown bag lunch workshop for your employees who are raising teenagers? Could you open your building in the evening to host a Power of Parents seminar for your corner of Hanover?

Faith Community:  Can you include prevention messages in your sermons? Could you host a seminar to encourage parents to talk about raising teens?

Parents: Have you talked to your teen about your family rules about drinking? Violence?  Would you host a Power of Parents seminar at your home for the parents of your teen’s friends? Have you considered learning more about adolescent brain development by attending Staying Connected with Your Teen or Strengthening Families parenting programs?

Neighbors: Have you called the Youth Crime Line to report a teen party in your neighborhood? Do you talk with teens in your neighborhood? Know their parents?

Teens, perhaps the most important challenge, thanks to the pastor at the New Song Church: What are you willing to do to have no more events like this? What are you willing to stop doing? What do you need from your community?  Your family and friends?

Together, we can support our teens in making healthier, safer choices.

Please find out more information about Hanover Cares and the programs you can schedule, free and open to all.

Please visit http://www.hanovericare.org or contact Keith Cartwright, community development specialist, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). 

You can also call Martha Lambert at 365-4228 for more information.

Larry Forcum
President
Hanover Cares Coalition